Children (and adults) who experienced inadequate comfort and nurturing as infants and toddlers are frequently unable to manage any sort of emotion – positive or negative – without becoming dysregulated.

Early deprivation leaves inadequate connections in the prefrontal brain.  The prefrontal brain is like Grand Central Station, connecting the higher and lower regions of the brain and also the right and left hemispheres.   The logical regions of the brain are not able to manage the emotional areas.

Another way to understand this is to think about the dependency of infants upon their caregivers to manage their emotions for them – to provide comfort and soothing when they are frightened, in pain, or stressed.  When there is not comforting attachment figure, the infant  learns that feelings are not safe.  The infant learns the only way to cope with feelings is by shutting down.  Feelings of any sort become a source of fear.

Children need their parents’ help to develop integrated brains.  They need assistance to access logical thought – to step back from their emotions a bit and contemplate them – to ride out the feelings, and to find ways to feel better.  It takes time and patience, but it’s an investment parents can make now that will be well worth it in the end.

Adults with a traumatic history need assistance as well, with skilled therapy and development of coping skills.  Traumatized children and adults are a vastly misunderstood population.